Its hasty pace frequently muddles precisely who's who where, when or why. Even the zippy sex scenes play like another gratuitous burst of firepower.

It's a Pre-Cambrian specimen that crept out of the primordial ooze of TV past, with a rhythm so profoundly familiar that if you happened to fall asleep during the first few minutes and woke up for the last, you'd be able to mentally reconstruct the entire program from scratch.

The first two episodes prove as tiresomely pleased-with-themselves as my run-on sentences. A half-hour is too much of not enough.

A convoluted story that doesn’t seem all that worthwhile to unravel, or peel--or watch..

[Shalom Auslande's] worldview is one part Christopher Hitchens, one part Samuel Beckett, one part Louis CK.... If all that makes his funny-ish new show sound bitter, angry, provocative and even compelling, then (well) that's because it is. But Happyish can also be wildly uneven and a little too smug in its certitude.

Sure, Thursday's pilot is junk, but it's pretty, diligent junk, essentially The Whopper of action TV, heaped high with mayhem condiments.

There's a smoldering ember of promise here, mainly in the cast, even if the pilot tended to smother it.

There's little here that hasn't been dramatized to death already.

Name aside, Cyber's pokey and old-fashioned, but the leads are the big draw.

It's all standard Schumer stuff, and nothing fans haven't sort of heard before, or maybe laughed at before, or cringed at before, or seen elements of before (her 2012 Comedy Central special). Those fans should be pleased. As usual, everyone else will be appalled.

A competent, connect-the-dots procedural that never offers much of a case for why a remake was needed.

Not so much scandalous as scandalously dull.

Yes, offensive, but the second episode loses that element, which suggests Fox got the message. Not surprisingly, it's the better of the two.

Perception is both clever and ridiculous.

Singleton’s first TV series has a nice retro vibe, but otherwise not much action, not much originality, and not much wallop.

After Spartacus blows most of its special-effects budget on the pilot, it settles into a not-bad sword-and-sandal genre series, a la "Xena" or "Hercules."

Some excellent special effects are in Monday night's episode, but nothing particularly shocking because it's become abundantly clear by now that The Dome can do any damn thing The Dome--or the writers--want.

What's missing is passion, joy and (ultimately) interest.

Not great comedy, but hopefully the beginning of long overdue recovery process for a talented, troubled actor.

These too-timid re-enactments, punctuated with the occasional burst of VFX gunfire, are interspersed with some informative commentary by real experts like veteran mob reporter Selwyn Raab and dramatically less informative observations by actors like Vincent Pastore, who of course played a mobster on TV.

Oddly amusing and amusingly odd.

Hap and Carla are certainly a great-looking couple, standing in the shadow of the North Dakota Rockies. What they're not is a heightened version of Blake and Alexis Colby Carrington, the sort of heights I was really hoping for here.

So pleased with itself, it doesn't seem concerned about pleasing us.

Nothing much new here (based on the first hour), but Remini appears resolute, tough-talking and potentially formidable.

As a family, they are particularly eager to convey a sense of normalcy, but Sister Wives still doesn't have much interest in exploring the religious underpinnings or larger ethical questions of this anything-but-normal lifestyle. You're left without a solid clue why the Browns--all five of them--have gone to this much trouble.

Good-looking--also lethargic, languid, listless and a little bit lifeless--at least in the early going.

Sarah Palin's Alaska is part-travelogue, part-"Todd and Sarah Plus Eight," part-slick political infomercial, and part Mark Burnett hokum - and oddly fascinating for all those reasons.

Nice looking, but not nearly enough action.