In its early moments, the movie evokes everything from "The Social Network" to "Casino." By the end, the film has become as exciting as a game of Old Maid. R-rated thrillers are hardly ever this dull and listless, but this movie manages to eradicate all of Timberlake’s charisma and makes you flash back to Affleck’s "Paycheck"/"Gigli" era. How does this even happen?

An object lesson in wasting a talented comedian. The film is so far off base that Candy winds up an action hero, and his co- star, Eugene Levy (who was even weaselier on SCTV) gets the girl. [15 Aug 1986, p.D2]

Emits a fishy odor, like a recruitment film for an obscure cult you'd rather stay away from.

Everything about this excruciatingly dull, talky film screams made-for-network-TV: The I'm-only-here-for-a-paycheck performances by famous actors; the Crate and Barrel catalog mise-en-scene; the syrupy, heartwarming score that lays the pathos on so thickly you gag on it.

Sarandon blends into the background, having practically nothing to do except stand around and wring her hands as the two men in her life battle it out in a passive-aggressive war. It's enough to make her want to run off with Thelma.

Two energetic and wonderfully physical comedians, each among the best of his generation. But in their movie, The Toy, they do not amount to much. Pryor seems unhappy about some of his lines and situations, and well he might. It's hard to know just what Gleason thinks, as he is able to deliver even atrocious dialogue with a misanthropic zest that is always appealing, but he has a right to be embarrassed, too. [20 Dec 1982, p.B7]

Embarrassingly shoddy film.

If you really love "Bull Durham," don't go near Play It to the Bone. It will break your heart.

The dumbest, most risible retelling ever made of the exploits of legendary bank robber Jesse James.

Gas -- the hot air variety -- is exactly what Driven is made of.

The movie is less painful than having your kidneys removed, but Turistas doesn't offer a trip entertaining enough to take.

As human Kewpie dolls, the Olsens' basic function is to try on as many new outfits as humanly possible within the span of 86 minutes (guaranteed to be the longest 86 minutes, New York or otherwise, you've ever spent in the dark).

Hellbound is long overdue at the video morgue. [23 Dec 1988, p.C5]

This utter waste of time has next-to-nothing to do with the infinitely wittier golden-age National Lampoon movies.

I'm not big on getting lectures from produce, and the Jonah story is not exactly fresh from the crisper, but Jonah is engaging enough for parents looking to introduce their kids to the veggiest story ever told.

The scattershot nature of the script, which feels as if it had been made up on the spot, leaves the actors looking like they're enjoying some private joke not shared with the audience. Self-indulgent does not even begin to describe it.

A curiously inert and talky action picture about good-looking mutants on the run from bad (but equally good-looking) ones, Push wastes a decent idea and stylish direction on a script that's much more Ingmar Bergman than Stan Lee.

It's just as boring and dumb as it sounds. This is the kind of movie that uses a shot of a bare butt as a punch line, and thinks having Encino Man's Brendan Fraser do a walk-on re- enaction of that movie's frog-eating scene is a clever cameo. As if. And Shore needs to freshen up his act: You can only act like a buffoon for so long before people start thinking of you as one. Remember Andrew Dice Clay? [2 July 1993, p.G5]

Georgia Rule is so artificial, it feels like more of a flow chart than a slice of life.

It really is terrible the way films are being marketed to teens. They deserve decent movies, but instead they get glop like Head Over Heels. There ought to be a law.

The new Steven Seagal film is, of course, almost unbelievably stupid and vile, but there's something else going on as well this time. Something new. Something . . . tedious. [16 Apr 1991, p.C5]

That final half-hour bears the scars of frenzied re- editing, and it's still overblown -- purple and heaving. And when Hill loses control, he loses it everywhere. Hill, who usually makes half a good movie, might make a good whole one if he ever stuck to a genre and had some fun. But he doesn't do things simply. More often than not, his movies simply do not work. [24 Apr 1987, p.D1]

Alas, as much as it aspires to mimic the charm of old Cary Grant pictures, Touch of Pink is hardly worthy of comparison to even the least of Grant's films.

It's hard to believe there could be so much slack in a film only 96 minutes long. Director Needham blows off the last 25 or so with a race sequence. We're treated to one uninteresting crowd shot after another while a Dixieland band plays Dixie -- all of Dixie -- on the soundtrack. [02 July 1983, p.C5]

The new Total Recall fails on the most basic levels: Its characters are dull, and its action is duller.

The film suffers from a severe lack of urgency and emotional engagement. You can't get involved in a movie in which the characters all seem to be harboring double identities.

Though this sequel is not nearly as violent as Child's Play 2, it's every bit as vulgar and preposterous, funny despite itself and vicious, too. It is, in short, of interest only to those too young to see it. [31 Aug 1991, p.E4]

An overwrought, horribly directed, sloppily plotted and dreadfully written mess. It's difficult to believe that Shanley actually created the thing. [13 Jan 1989, p.C7]