Problem is, it ain't nuthin' we ain't seen before. When not running from the cops a la "Driver," you're making deliveries like in "Crazy Taxi"—both of which would be a lot more fun if your rig wasn't slow and sluggish like Eminem with his medicine.

Problem is, it ain't nuthin' we ain't seen before. When not running from the cops a la "Driver," you're making deliveries like in "Crazy Taxi"—both of which would be a lot more fun if your rig wasn't slow and sluggish like Eminem with his medicine.

Problem is, it ain't nuthin' we ain't seen before. When not running from the cops a la "Driver," you're making deliveries like in "Crazy Taxi"-both of which would be a lot more fun if your rig wasn't slow and sluggish like Eminem with his medicine.

Unfortunately, when it comes to actual racing, FlatOut is about as interesting as a public service announcement for seatbelts.

Unfortunately, when it comes to actual racing, FlatOut is about as interesting as a public service announcement for seatbelts.

Unfortunately, when it comes to actual racing, FlatOut is about as interesting as a public service announcement for seatbelts.

While it has an amazing cell-shaded, anime-influenced look that’s both stylish and striking, it also has totally unnatural and unnecessarily complicated controls that make it impossible to play.

While it has an amazing cell-shaded, anime-influenced look that's both stylish and striking, it also has totally unnatural and unnecessarily complicated controls that make it impossible to play.

REOF2 inspires as much boredom as fear, and possibly boasts the most tedious tutorial in game history.

But for the crimes of middling graphics and dull-as-dirt game play, we sentence Dredd vs. Death to eternal burial in the discount bin at Costco. Court adjourned.

But for the crimes of middling graphics and dull-as-dirt game play, we sentence Dredd vs. Death to eternal burial in the discount bin at Costco. Court adjourned.

But for the crimes of middling graphics and dull-as-dirt game play, we sentence Dredd vs. Death to eternal burial in the discount bin at Costco. Court adjourned.

But for the crimes of middling graphics and dull-as-dirt game play, we sentence Dredd vs. Death to eternal burial in the discount bin at Costco. Court adjourned.

Combo moves and minor upgrades notwithstanding, Konami has done little more than create a mediocre "Double Dragon" rip-off populated with epilepsy-triggering robots.

We're used to crappy stories. What we're not used to is disorienting camera angles and lousy controls that have the lithe, lean, fighting machine Nina plodding around like the bastard love child of Kirstie Alley and a three-legged Clydesdale.

But even the addition of Halle Berry’s slinky form and sultry voice can’t pull unpolished game play with lousy camera angles out of the litter box.

But even the addition of Halle Berry’s slinky form and sultry voice can’t pull unpolished game play with lousy camera angles out of the litter box.

But even the addition of Halle Berry’s slinky form and sultry voice can’t pull unpolished game play with lousy camera angles out of the litter box.

Think of it as a choose-your-own-adventure book set in the Edo period of Japanese history—in other words, a very special form of excruciating, ritual torture.

Passing and shooting in these high-scoring battles is as easy as squeezing the trigger on an Uzi, but complicated button-mashing for trick moves, muddy graphics, and a schizophrenic soundtrack of Method Man, TLC, and Foo Fighters all draw red cards.

Passing and shooting in these high-scoring battles is as easy as squeezing the trigger on an Uzi, but complicated button-mashing for trick moves, muddy graphics, and a schizophrenic soundtrack of Method Man, TLC, and Foo Fighters all draw red cards.

The play and story will ring familiar to anyone who’s played the "Grand Theft Auto" series—which is good—but the guy responsible for the crummy graphics should slip on a pair of cement galoshes and take a long walk off a short pier.

The play and story will ring familiar to anyone who’s played the "Grand Theft Auto" series—which is good—but the guy responsible for the crummy graphics should slip on a pair of cement galoshes and take a long walk off a short pier.

Take one part "Grand Theft Auto" and one part car combat game "Twisted Metal Black." Mix, ingest, and vomit. Stare wistfully into bowl. What could have been a great game—car carnage with heavy artillery against gangs in cities devastated by a mysterious plague—is only mediocre.

Take one part "Grand Theft Auto" and one part car combat game "Twisted Metal Black." Mix, ingest, and vomit. Stare wistfully into bowl. What could have been a great game—car carnage with heavy artillery against gangs in cities devastated by a mysterious plague—is only mediocre.

Take one part "Grand Theft Auto" and one part car combat game "Twisted Metal Black." Mix, ingest, and vomit. Stare wistfully into bowl. What could have been a great game—car carnage with heavy artillery against gangs in cities devastated by a mysterious plague—is only mediocre.

Sadly, the sloppy controls and graphics make the game about as fun as a blow to the brainpan with a spiked bat.

Sadly, the sloppy controls and graphics make the game about as fun as a blow to the brainpan with a spiked bat.