L.A. Weekly's Scores

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For 3,750 reviews, this publication has graded:
  • 46% higher than the average critic
  • 3% same as the average critic
  • 51% lower than the average critic
On average, this publication grades 8.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)
Average Movie review score: 56
Highest review score: 100 A Bread Factory Part Two: Walk With Me a While
Lowest review score: 0 Deuces Wild
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 1,540 out of 3750
  2. Mixed: 1,542 out of 3750
  3. Negative: 668 out of 3750
3750 movie reviews
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  1. Universal Soldier: The Return
    A mind-numbing exercise in high body counts and big tits.
  2. Swordfish
    The cinema of morons made by morons for morons, Swordfish is everything you expect but worse.
  3. Jakob the Liar
    Just avoid this ghastly, insulting farrago at all costs.
  4. Dante's Peak
    Too bad that by the time the volcano shoots its wad, the movie has already died a thousand deaths, ground to a halt by the interminable waiting for the damn thing to blow.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 10 Critic Score
    I.O.U.S.A.
    One graphic that I.O.U.S.A. doesn't include is a national balance sheet of our assets and liabilities, which would illustrate that the former is more than double the latter. We're in the black, and a film this deep in the red isn't something to be scared of at all -- or taken seriously.
  6. Domestic Disturbance
    Absurd beyond belief or reason.
  7. The Adventures of Pluto Nash
    Murphy slogs his way through this dismally dull sci-fi comedy.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 10 Critic Score
    Kickin It Old Skool
    This ostensible comedy may be a new depths-of-hell low in the Emmanuel Lewis filmography, but for star Jamie Kennedy it’s par for the coarse.
  9. The Sweetest Thing
    So badly written, so poorly directed and performed, and so garishly visualized -- attention Kmart shoppers! -- it defies explanation.
  10. Vampires Suck
    Smart money says Friedberg and Seltzer never sit through these movies in entirety.
  11. Blow Dry
    There are gruelingly unfunny gags, an unspeakable soundtrack featuring BTO and Billy Ocean, and Victoria's Secret mannequin Heidi Klum as a model who demands that her pussy hair be styled into a bushy red heart.
  12. Outta Time
    All the while, director Lorena David labors to keep implausibility and bad acting from sinking a ship that never should have left port.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Year One
    Unbearably painful from shrugging start to outtakes-laden finish, Harold Ramis’ half-assed, hare-brained return to writing and directing makes Mel Brooks’ equally muddled, soporific "History of the World, Part 1" look downright majestic by comparison.
  14. Chaos
    Writer-director David DeFalco's ugly, pointless and dishonest remake of Craven's remake.
    • 38 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    BASEketball
    Some of the most heavy-handed, laughless, uninspired attempts at comedy since prime time. But I still dig “South Park.” Let’s forget this ever happened.
  16. Whipped
    As repellent as their characters are, one feels a degree of pity for the three male leads, who give fresh evidence that hungry actors can't say no to a studio feature, no matter how humiliating the script.
  17. The Replacement Killers
    Pure junk.
  18. Life Itself
    The Crash-meets–Collateral Beauty false-gravitas joke of the year.
    • 15 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Disaster Movie
    This carpet-fouling mongrel of a movie no more deserves release than do anthrax spores.
  20. Rollerball
    Rollerball pushes the Hollywood action movie to stratospheric new levels of incoherence; pounding at the senses, it's mashed story, character, time and space into a chunky hash.
  21. College
    Film critics never come home stinking of their honest labor, but the nearest equivalent is reviewing something like College, which leaves its stain on one's very humanity.
  22. Screwed
    Miraculously seems a great deal longer (this is not a good thing) as it careens from shit joke to corpse joke to ass joke to dog-turd joke and back.
  23. 3000 Miles to Graceland
    A mean-spirited, hyperviolent, stupid movie.
  24. The In Crowd
    Lifeless, desultory slog.
  25. Lower Learning
    Mostly, Lafferty is all about expletives and sexual innuendo of the frankest kind, some of it so raunchy (and unfunny) as to make one wonder if the parents of the film's many child actors bothered to read the script.
  26. Saw VI
    Taken just as an objet d’art, Saw VI — gray, grisly, solemn, stupid — would be about the most dismal thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, the argument against film preservation. But it vaults into the realm of real detestability through pretensions of relevance.
  27. Beautiful Creatures
    Could it get any worse?
  28. Grind
    A crass, condescending piece of corporate bamboozling, Grind plays like a movie conceived by monkey-suited honchos who regard their targeted audience as impressionable nincompoops susceptible to every new trend in sports, clothing and music that comes down the pike.
  29. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
    A schizoid monster slapped together by uneasy bedfellows.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Miss March
    Only a moron would expect a dude road-trip-sex comedy to be more than an aggressive expression of male sexual anxiety. But really, when did women become such vile creatures.
    • 6 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    National Lampoon's Gold Diggers
    A May-September sex farce so prodigiously unintriguing that audiences could be forgiven for stampeding from theaters to strangle its writer-director, Gary Preisler, in his sleep.
    • 19 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Lost & Found
    Cloying, obnoxious, unfunny, evil, shallow, schadenfreude-wielding, dumb-fuck-fratboy-wants-a-blowjob, sitcom-directed piece of elbow-in-the-rib-till-you-puke-blood, just-connect-the-dots-and-we’ll-all-make-a-lot-of-money-and-nobody-gets-hurt...
  33. Lolita
    Irons' doleful lassitude sucks the energy right out of the story and makes this listlessly directed adaptation droop all the more.
  34. Down to You
    One of those puppy-love movies that make you feel like you're slowly drowning.
  35. The Singing Forest
    Bad movies can be a hoot, but rather than campy, Ameer appears to be dead serious; and it's hard to feel anything but fury toward a filmmaker whose opening title sequence intersperses black-and-white flashbacks of his sexy young lovers with actual concentration-camp photos of stacked, emaciated corpses.
  36. The Wash
    What the film suffers from most, though, are its own low aspirations: stroking the libidos and funny bones of brain-dead 12-year-old boys immersed in the shallow end of hip-hop.
  37. 15 Minutes
    Isn't just rotten -- badly acted, badly written, badly conceived -- it's dead inside.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Here on Earth
    Complete and utter horseshit.
    • 40 Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    Igor
    So bad it's scary.
  40. Deuces Wild
    Astonishing isn't the word -- neither is incompetent, incoherent or just plain crap. Indeed, none of these words really gets at the very special type of badness that is Deuces Wild.
  41. Slackers
    Barely proficient on a craft level, this jumble of putatively comic misunderstanding and overly familiar crude burlesque achieves its nadir with a cameo from Mamie Van Doren, a degrading, shameful turn that lays bare, all too literally, the filmmakers' contempt for women.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 0 Critic Score
    C Me Dance
    In 2009, its hilarious ineptitude makes it border on becoming a cult classic for the ages ... and we're not talking religious cult.
  43. Bless the Child
    Director Chuck Russell ("The Mask") and screenwriter Thomas Rickman don't need new agents -- they need backup careers.
  44. The Hillside Strangler
    A good horse kick, or a fistful of Valium, may help you get through this relentlessly sadistic exercise with your soul more or less intact.
  45. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
    It's cynical and it's depressing, and I would lock a child in a room before I'd show him Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.
  46. The Jackal
    Scottish director Michael Caton-Jones continues to fritter away the last traces of his talent with this ugly variant on Fred Zinnemann's 1973 original, The Day of the Jackal.
  47. Black Knight
    "It's no longer funny, but he refuses to give up the joke." That just about sums it up except for the film's shopworn plot -- and its wretchedly cheap production design.
  48. New Best Friend
    This movie could have easily been shot as porn, a transition that would have given it a modicum of respectability and, better still, true social purpose.
  49. 3 Strikes
    Three strikes maybe, but no stars and no thumbs up (except the one way, way up its own ass).
  50. Strippers
    That clunky, God-awful bit of exposition-heavy dialogue perfectly encapsulates all that's wrong with this dismal film.
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