Indeed, Eat Lead is like Domino’s Pizza…satisfying in its initial moments, but after a while it sits in the pit of your stomach leaving you wondering what the hell ever possessed you to indulge in the first place.

A bit of a let down, really.

Loud and neon-soaked, it’s the quiet, subdued moments that truly capture the essence of WALL•E, a notion that is lost, for the most part, in this disappointing iteration.

Without the gore it’s got nothing more.

Ninja Reflex is a cool idea that's nicely presented, but it's just WAY too wafer thin play-wise to justify its price tag.

Innovation and frustration tango before your eyes.

The overall experience left us with a bad taste in our mouths and an almighty “WTF?” resonating from our lips. Sigh.

Donkey Kong was Nintendo’s original big baddie. He’s now been reduced to an inanity-grunting, tie-wearing corporate wuss, shilling lacklustre knock-offs of games his mortal adversary in Mario aced the market with. It’s time to stand up and fight! Don’t support this emasculation of a – perhaps THE - classic arcade bad dude.

Above all, there's the sense that every aspect of the game has been designed not to challenge, but to frustrate. Like the witch doctors who can summon rocks to fall from the sky and crush you, or the just-barely-visible bear traps scattered about.

I’d like to say there’s a good game at the core massively rushed. But there’s not. Its only ambition is to be a God of War incest baby.

This product is too crude for even the ‘mainstream’ demographic; it can only possibly appeal to the ignorant.

Its sheer randomness and awfulness is a remarkable sight.