This will not appeal to everyone, whether it will appeal to anyone is another question. With dark humour from time to time, underneath an extremely repulsive concept, this is a relatively conventional horror movie.

Solid performances can’t keep this from being a tonally erratic disappointment. Here’s hoping the next Hoover adaptation is a little less regrettable.

Prepare to cringe and snicker whenever the characters are talking, but gasp when Shyamalan just shows amazing stuff.

The film has a real sense of a situation slipping out of control, with marvellous displays of hysteria matched by movie trickery that spreads the edginess to the audience.

Apparently unable to decide whether to take its own mythology seriously or not, this is a mess of sculpted cheekbones and incoherent romance.

Certainly not the worst of the endless stream of TV remakes, but given the unassuming, easy charm of the original, still wide of the mark by a country mile.

Jade tries so hard to be a serious, lush noir but, like the cheap sex it revels in, it is ultimately a hollow, anti-climactic experience.

Despite the usually dependable cast, this is a slow and ever-so-slightly dull affair. Try Bogart's 1955 original instead.

Everything that comes after the confident, dangerous first half-hour just makes you pine for what could have been as this devolves into ten-a-penny teen-lit sludge.

It looks attractive, and is enlivened somewhat by the soundtrack's obligatory disco dinosaurs, but those expecting any real insight into the 70s club scene will come away hugely disappointed.

Lola deserves detention; Lohan deserves better.

Separately the characters are annoying; together it’s unnervingly like watching one actress playing twins.

This is poorly shot, edited and scored, while any acting talent feels wasted.

There are atmospheric shots of billowing thunder clouds, priests on cliff tops, bloody stigmata and moody eclipses, but it all amounts to nothing.

However contrived this tenth Sparks-to-screen becomes, the emotions and chemistry outweigh the bull.

Haddish and Byrne play to their comedic strengths but Like A Boss falls foul of formulaic writing and a mistrust of the genre’s full potential. Stick to its groundbreaking peers for a taste of something sweeter.

Rubbish. Irish eyes will be hard pressed to grimace, let alone smile.

A creaky script which avoids tackling the morality of Castle's actions, while Hensleigh doesn't do himself any favours by slowing the film's momentum with leaden editing.

Good intentions, but far too earnest to appeal to anyone beyond those who believe you can fight a true crisis of the soul with a campfire and some Kumbaya.

The rapid-fire editing and glossy photography can't disguise The Fan's hollowness or De Niro's phoned in performance. A disappointment.

This is a leaden mess that offers only brief moments of respite.

The loyal fans — and they are legion — will trot out clichés like, “Leave your brain at the door,” and defend Age Of Extinction’s right to be nothing but a succession of varoom! and kersmash! sequences. For those who aren’t still blindly faithful to something they liked when they were nine, despite the colossal scale, there’s little to see here.

Could have been T2 with seraphs, or Assault On Precinct 13 crossed with Revelations. Instead, it’s a lazy genre bore. Doesn’t bode well for Priest, the next Stewart/Bettany film in the pipeline.

Painfully unfunny, I Love You, Beth Cooper is more likely to elicit the opposite reaction.

Pretty solid gory horror.

Even a cast boasting Oldman and Harrison Ford can't salvage his dreary, contrived corporate thriller.

A likable horror-comedy with a satisfyingly high splatter count.

As spectacular as you’d hope from a sequel to the 1996 planet-toaster, and as amusingly cheesy. You’ll enjoy yourself enough that you won’t even miss Will Smith.