An obsequious, ring-kissing portrait of the current US administration, dressed in gauche, glossy reality-TV clothing. And yet somehow still better than Rush Hour 3.

A risible attempt to modernise classic science-fiction by adding WhatsApp and political chicanery. This thin, frenetic, soulless adaptation is misguided moviemaking cubed.

A big old pile of Smurf.

This deeply disappointing new Fear Street instalment leans too hard into worn-out tropes and excessive gore, at the expense of fun, engaging characters or any genuine scares.

Like a parody of a Jason Statham film, without any of the joy that might imply. This Working Man just doesn’t work.

A turkey in crow’s clothing.

Incompetent and mostly just quite boring, Assassin Club doesn’t even have the good grace to be so-bad-it’s-good. Rough, rough stuff.

As a subversive take on Milne, it’s achingly banal. As a rural horror film, it’s more inept than the most wretched Wrong Turn sequel. As a would-be cult classic, it commits the ultimate sin of being no fun at all. This bear is sh*t in the woods.

An absolute shambles of a fantasy folly. Overlong, undercooked, and clogged with enough clichés that even its teen target audience will feel disrespected.

A forgettable fantasy cheapie whose gruff earnestness feels hollow thanks to the unforgiveable thinness of its story and the weakness of its grip on its source material. Oh, and a note to whoever came up with the title: neither Arthur nor Merlin are knights of Camelot.

Globe-trotting but not adventurous, action-packed but not remotely exciting, utterly overstuffed and completely paper-thin. Nuke it from orbit.

The Hustle buckles under the overbearing weight of its own vulgarity. Avoid the dirty rubble by all means. An embarrassment to the heist genre, an insult to all existing comedies, a disgrace to feminism.

Reeves and Ryder work very hard to make Destination Wedding work, but deeply unlikeable characters and a clunky script means there’s no escaping the fact it’s a disappointing misfire.

Despite lashings of bright red gore and the obvious enthusiasm of its gibbering hordes, Redcon-1 is a hard slog. Nearly two hours of grunts vs zombies feels punitive.

Blue Iguana grates on pretty much every level, a misjudged hodge-podge of ill-defined characters, tired filmmaking licks and an air of general unpleasantness. It also contains one of the worst shootouts in recent memory.

Limp jokes, bad chemistry and the least believable onscreen fraternal bond make for a very lacklustre viewing experience. Even a late appearance from Christopher Walken can't save the day.

Double the dads, but half the laughter.

While it's tempting to sum up in thumbs down emoji, when they go low, we go high. So let's just say, abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Tonally, Baywatch veers all over the place like a drunk on a speedboat, making for one of the most lacklustre comedies of the year so far.

Blood Wars is tragically bereft of the pulp verve this nonsense needs to be tolerable.

A preposterous premise that never makes sense. A tedious thriller that offers no thrills. An A-list cast reduced to C-list material. Piers Morgan. We can but pray that scientists invent a procedure to remove the memory of ever watching this film in the first place.

On paper, this could have been excellent; as it stands, it’s painful and futile for all involved. Much like the Afghan conflict itself.

Cheap and cheerless, Norm’s appeal melts faster than the polar ice. With characters so completely devoid of charm or entertainment value, even David Attenborough would call for a cull of this lot.

It may occasionally shock a laugh from you, but between those moments your face will be a rictus of horror.

The Native American people have suffered any number of indignities over the years. But they haven't, until now, suffered Adam Sandler.

As it stands, it’s one of the worst films you won’t see in 2015.

The bastard offspring of a charmless romcom and a toothless political satire.

Worse than being buried alive in an actual pyramid, if mercifully less time-consuming.