An obsequious, ring-kissing portrait of the current US administration, dressed in gauche, glossy reality-TV clothing. And yet somehow still better than Rush Hour 3.

A risible attempt to modernise classic science-fiction by adding WhatsApp and political chicanery. This thin, frenetic, soulless adaptation is misguided moviemaking cubed.

A big old pile of Smurf.

This deeply disappointing new Fear Street instalment leans too hard into worn-out tropes and excessive gore, at the expense of fun, engaging characters or any genuine scares.

Like a parody of a Jason Statham film, without any of the joy that might imply. This Working Man just doesn’t work.

A turkey in crow’s clothing.

Incompetent and mostly just quite boring, Assassin Club doesn’t even have the good grace to be so-bad-it’s-good. Rough, rough stuff.

As a subversive take on Milne, it’s achingly banal. As a rural horror film, it’s more inept than the most wretched Wrong Turn sequel. As a would-be cult classic, it commits the ultimate sin of being no fun at all. This bear is sh*t in the woods.

An absolute shambles of a fantasy folly. Overlong, undercooked, and clogged with enough clichés that even its teen target audience will feel disrespected.

A forgettable fantasy cheapie whose gruff earnestness feels hollow thanks to the unforgiveable thinness of its story and the weakness of its grip on its source material. Oh, and a note to whoever came up with the title: neither Arthur nor Merlin are knights of Camelot.

Globe-trotting but not adventurous, action-packed but not remotely exciting, utterly overstuffed and completely paper-thin. Nuke it from orbit.

The Hustle buckles under the overbearing weight of its own vulgarity. Avoid the dirty rubble by all means. An embarrassment to the heist genre, an insult to all existing comedies, a disgrace to feminism.

Reeves and Ryder work very hard to make Destination Wedding work, but deeply unlikeable characters and a clunky script means there’s no escaping the fact it’s a disappointing misfire.

Despite lashings of bright red gore and the obvious enthusiasm of its gibbering hordes, Redcon-1 is a hard slog. Nearly two hours of grunts vs zombies feels punitive.

Blue Iguana grates on pretty much every level, a misjudged hodge-podge of ill-defined characters, tired filmmaking licks and an air of general unpleasantness. It also contains one of the worst shootouts in recent memory.

Limp jokes, bad chemistry and the least believable onscreen fraternal bond make for a very lacklustre viewing experience. Even a late appearance from Christopher Walken can't save the day.

Double the dads, but half the laughter.

While it's tempting to sum up in thumbs down emoji, when they go low, we go high. So let's just say, abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Tonally, Baywatch veers all over the place like a drunk on a speedboat, making for one of the most lacklustre comedies of the year so far.

Blood Wars is tragically bereft of the pulp verve this nonsense needs to be tolerable.

A preposterous premise that never makes sense. A tedious thriller that offers no thrills. An A-list cast reduced to C-list material. Piers Morgan. We can but pray that scientists invent a procedure to remove the memory of ever watching this film in the first place.

On paper, this could have been excellent; as it stands, it’s painful and futile for all involved. Much like the Afghan conflict itself.

Cheap and cheerless, Norm’s appeal melts faster than the polar ice. With characters so completely devoid of charm or entertainment value, even David Attenborough would call for a cull of this lot.

It may occasionally shock a laugh from you, but between those moments your face will be a rictus of horror.

The Native American people have suffered any number of indignities over the years. But they haven't, until now, suffered Adam Sandler.

As it stands, it’s one of the worst films you won’t see in 2015.

The bastard offspring of a charmless romcom and a toothless political satire.

Worse than being buried alive in an actual pyramid, if mercifully less time-consuming.

Non-Stop is weak sauce, a cheapie snoozer that not even heavyweights like Neeson and Moore can save.

Setting out to be a killer-cop satire for the social media age, the result makes Paul Blart look like Taxi Driver. Unfollow immediately.

Dismal, cliché-ridden stuff.

More terrible and tacky than one could have imagined, it will soon be forgotten and consigned to the True Movies channel to play alongside television movies about Karen Carpenter, Jayne Mansfield and Jackie Kennedy.

Dreadful.

Lacking a single honest laugh, this is shoddy by comparison with the other Scary Movie sequels… which throws it in a pit with Transylmania, Breaking Wind and Stan Helsing.

Long-delayed. Arguably not long enough.

Just no.

A clunky, lumbering sequel that, like its masked protagonist, has no redeeming features.

Another reason to avoid films endorsed by the US military, this is sub-propaganda tosh that inadvertently plays like Hot Shots: Part Trois.

Witless, charmless, teen twaddle. Let's take all prints off the film, and bury them. Don't bother marking the spot with an X.

Whoever demanded a third installment of Lawrence's mirthless mash-up of weak gags and cross-dressing horrors should be imprisoned and forced to watch it on repeat until they repent. Avoid.

A Twilight pastiche with all the wit you'd expect from the makers of "Scary Movie" and "Meet The Spartans."

Smug and lazy comedy that barely raises a chuckle.

Could have been T2 with seraphs, or Assault On Precinct 13 crossed with Revelations. Instead, it’s a lazy genre bore. Doesn’t bode well for Priest, the next Stewart/Bettany film in the pipeline.

Rubbish. Irish eyes will be hard pressed to grimace, let alone smile.

Proof that when you aim for the stars, sometimes you find a black hole. Hopefully just an anomaly for the usually wonderful Gervais.

Sometimes this kind of comedy just goes too far into rubbishness to make it back.

A needless threequel. Note to director: avoid 'rise of the' titles.

A horrific waste of time, money and oxygen.

Absolute tosh. A ridiculous, unerringly tedious plot is weighed down by listless performances from a cast who clearly wished they were somewhere else, despite the sumptuous locations.

Ugly in more ways than one.

An early but strong contender for worst movie of 2008.

The kind of film the tabloids will call to ban. Don't take that as a reason to see it.

If ever there was lawful impediment for a marriage to not go ahead, it's this mess of a movie.

A twist-burdened techno-thriller that would be by-the-numbers if it could count.

Even John C McGinley (Dr. Cox from Scrubs) can't save this lamest of comedies.

Very, very low-brow.

Stereotype-based comedy from Eddie Murphy in a variety of fat suits is just not enough to make a decent film.

Bad film fans will think Christmas has come early, everyone else should ask for the receipt.

Technically competent, but essentially a fantasy movie that mistakes industrial light for magic. As dragon movies go, Dragonslayer, Reign Of Fire and even Dragonheart can rest easy.

Worse than Scary Movies 1 through 3… And they were terrible.

An unfunny, unfocused sub-SNL baseball comedy that makes the likes of Joe Dirt and Deuce Bigalow seem vintage.

A cool idea rapidly falls apart. A completely missed opportunity.

Unengaging, uninspired and unwatchable. A criminal waste of time and talent.

A lowest common denominator spoof.

Bottom-rung dreck.

But for all her slinky, undead-chic looks, Beckinsale can't carry the film on curves alone and there's not much else here worthy of attention. Evolution's action sequences are as horribly bungled as its plot, resulting in a string of repetitive confrontations that feel toothless even by the last movie’s standards.

Depressing and trivial.

It's bad enough to ban on purely artistic grounds.

A bizarre, hopelessly muddled fantasy that's likely to induce utter bewilderment in its target audience.

Fails on both an emotional and comedic level.

As it is, an unbearably irritating, shouty, gurning Affleck takes the anaemic script and injects it with strychnine.

Irresponsible, exploitative trash.

Disappointing.

No doubt its small fans are thrilled, but even young kids will have to be pretty undemanding to enjoy this mess.

This is poorly shot, edited and scored, while any acting talent feels wasted.

You'd think it'd be hilarious. Think again.

Godsend is based on an intriguing premise. Sadly, it's mangled into an Omen-lite disaster area, thanks to a script torn between making a moral point about cloning and cheap shocks.

Slap a restriction order on yourself and don't come within ten paces of this hideous concoction.

However you dress it up, laughs where there should be frights is patently piss poor.

On paper, fine; on celluloid, a Rocky Horror Show of nightmarish proportions.

The lesson to be learned here is that movies are far more complex than music videos. Most videos require little or no thought of plot, structure or characterisation, but look great. Which is probably why Williams is so good at them.

Director Blanks delivers a wholly pedestrian feature debut in this by-numbers teen horror flick that could give you the impression Scream never really happened.

In the title role, newcomer Smith shows vestiges of an intuitive and moving performance, but he's swamped by a veritable tsunami of sentimentality and hamstrung by cute dialogue.

Though Species II is far from serious and aimed squarely at the hairy-palmed, it really didn't need to be quite this rotten.

Nielsen's performance is truly dreadful, yet somehow it seems strangely fitting for the movie, which is unlikely even to engage the younger audience for whom it is so obviously intended. When even the outtakes you see over the end titles don't raise a single titter, you know you're in trouble.

It would miss the point to complain that the plot is nonsensical drivel peopled by paper-thin characters and a paucity of ideas.

However, it is probably the screenplay that is most at fault, and while "Demolition Man" director Brambilla again makes things look okay, his hands are tied with flat dialogue, zero comedy and not much caper, either.

Whatever it is they do so successfully on TV clearly fails to translate to the big screen, particularly when saddled with a script that does no one any favours. Sinbad, as an Afro-heavy 70s throwback, does his best to elevate things, but this stodge is beyond help.

Here both Greenaway's strengths and weaknesses are on show as he toys with the viewers' capacity to ingest blurring metaphors and convoluted content.

A damp squib of a movie.

The one saving grace is Lloyd, who gives a terrific and lively portrayal despite some horribly sentimental lines. He is the movie's guiding star, a lone bright light in a string of dud bulbs. Otherwise, beware.

Utter, unforgivable bilge.

Another soulless, pointless rip-off, this doodles around the plot parameters of John Carpenter's Halloween movies with only Pleasence, who died during production, and Carpenter's theme tune as links to the series' beginnings.

As bad as cinema gets.

Gibson's future-world may be a cold one, but it should never be seen as a dull one; this is a missed opporunity.

Pointless re-make. One of (the once great) Carpenter's worst.

Okay, a couple of sniggers sneak out, but on the whole the effect is stone cold.

You should feel sorry for the memory of Julia - whose swansong this is - but actually it's Van Damme who commands sympathy.