For 854 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 40% higher than the average critic
  • 6% same as the average critic
  • 54% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

Simon Abrams' Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 Viet and Nam
Lowest review score: 0 Zookeeper
Score distribution:
854 movie reviews
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    More often than not, Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins is a dire checklist of clichés that were already gathering moss back in the 1980s, when G.I. Joe was a popular children’s cartoon.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    You never have to wonder or try to understand what the characters are feeling because they never stop telling you how to feel. The answer, invariably, is sad and fearful, but From Black is neither, really.
    • 80 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Viewers are not privileged with a more thoughtful, specific view of the institutionalized problems that Sudanese natives face because Sauper's not interested in making that kind of film.
    • 5 Metascore
    • 0 Simon Abrams
    A cynical, and consistently unpleasant film with creators who try very, very hard to push as many of your buttons as they can.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Arizona might have worked better as a smart-ass social commentary if its tsk-tsking of consumerist myopia wasn't so consistently on the nose and its plot didn't swiftly devolve into slasher movie cliches.
    • 43 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Bleeding Steel is also unfortunately just one film in a string of lackluster globe-trotting action films that struggle to confirm Chan's decades-old self-image as a pop cultural ambassador.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Some of the familiar and faithfully recreated twists and turns of the original “One Cut of the Dead” still land here, but not enough to make this leaden remake seem endearing or zany enough to pick through.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Point and Shoot consequently feels like a film made by a storyteller — not a journalist — who doesn't know he can ask follow-up questions.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    A spectacularly miscalculated historical epic.
    • 39 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Emperor is lousy in the same way that many other mediocre slave narratives are: it re-presents a dark period in American history without being inspired or insightful enough to be worth your curiosity or emotional investment.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Sleazy Australian kidnapping drama Hounds of Love will make you wish you were watching a more traditionally nihilistic horror film.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    Gibney may encourage viewers to condemn the police, but his self-righteous editorializing doesn’t make up for the lack of convincing evidence.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Oppressively bleak mood piece Alléluia is a horror film for people who like to be scared by a grim, joyless and thoroughly depressing character study.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    This might have been a better movie if its creators embraced their fitful bloodthirst. Instead, they seem to hope that you like these stock characters enough that you’ll gasp when their friends and enemies inevitably bite the dust. A machine to kill vague people, “Whistle” never delivers on its frightful promise.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    The canned British character study Mogul Mowgli disappoints on a few levels, especially given its admirable focus on authenticity and cultural identity in a kitchen-sink drama about Zed (Riz Ahmed), an aspiring British Pakistani rapper.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Lowe's attempts at getting into anti-heroine Ruth's head are largely unsuccessful, though her performance is sometimes effectively hysterical.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Disappointing because its creators don't do anything interesting with a fairly novel theme: a mother's possessive love for her estranged daughter.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Granted, the movie does feature a few endearingly goofy scenes where Cage acts like Humphrey Bogart, with sweat on his brow, a stogie in his mouth, and a haughty putdown for anybody who makes eye contact with him. But he basically already did that in Paul Schrader’s underwhelming 2016 Ed Bunker adaptation “Dog Eat Dog.”
    • 49 Metascore
    • 20 Simon Abrams
    A tone-deaf celebration of Manhattan’s ritzy Carlyle Hotel.
    • 69 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    What makes The Vigil so frustrating is that it feels like a product and not a reflection of its subject’s identity crisis.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    So often bogged down by pseudo-naturalistic long takes and generic cop/robber power dynamics that it makes one wonder what the point of watching such a film is.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The Conjuring is as toothless as it is because it's two different kinds of boring. The film's plot is explained exhaustively whenever loud noises aren't blaring, and random objects aren't teasingly leaping out at you from the corner of your eye.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Poser might have been more satisfying if its gauzy night-club aesthetic and bold, underlined dialogue didn’t smother viewers with trite observations about hipster artistes.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    If you’re looking for meaning, humor, or comfort, you’d best not look for it here.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    There are a lot of fragmentary ideas in The Real Thing, but they’re not cohesive or worthwhile as they’re loosely formed into one grey 232-minute lump.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 38 Simon Abrams
    Psycho Goreman isn’t clever or lively enough to be more than fitfully fun, especially given how much time is spent mocking generic, but painstakingly recreated plot contrivances.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    The Christmas-themed home-invasion movie Better Watch Out starts out as one kind of unpleasant, then switches gears to a higher level of unearned nastiness.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 35 Simon Abrams
    Gender inequality may be a potentially complicating factor when it comes to sexual trauma (i.e., men can also be abused by women), but that provocative conceit isn’t considered with much care or intelligence.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 30 Simon Abrams
    The film's rote right-makes-might fantasy wouldn't be so obnoxious if pandering to the lowest common denominator wasn't its default mode.
    • 67 Metascore
    • 25 Simon Abrams
    Generally speaking, the museum seems like a modest, but vividly-detailed freak show.

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