Phil Hall

Little more than a travelogue designed to show off the grandeur of the Hermitage, with the silly actors in fancy costumes getting in the way of the paintings and sculptures on display.

The new bad movie from Clint Eastwood which takes Dennis Lehane's best-selling thriller and turns it into an inert mess that clocks in at 137 minutes but feels like 137 hours.

It seems as if every possible cliche and story twist from any seafaring picture of the past 80 years made its way into this flick.

Chicago is a failure, but that should not come as a surprise. Bob Fosse, who directed and choreographed the original 1975 Broadway production, was long baffled in making a film of the show and eventually gave up trying.

Such garbage that taking a shower at the Bates Motel is a more appealing alternative.

Clooney has littered his film with such a high quantity of mistakes that it is hard to know where exactly to begin finding fault.

An astonishing mess.

The film is professionally made but a thorough bore at every imaginable level.

An Inconvenient Truth is something you rarely see in movies today: a blatant intellectual fraud. Shame on all of the people involved in this travesty.

About as funny as a funeral.

Inert, inept epic.

The production values on Dirty are so painfully amateurish that it is often hard to determine what is happening. The cinematography is murky and shaky, the editing is dull and clumsy, and the sound recording isn't exactly pristine. Not that any of this matters when you have a script where every third word is scatological.

Sadly, the whole affair is little more than ennui with a pedigree.

Zhang Yimou is seriously off his game with the utterly ridiculous Curse of the Golden Flower, a new epic that feels like "Hero" meets "The Lion in Winter" meets "Peyton Place." The film is worthless as a serious work of art, but it may offer the jaded viewer a surplus source of MST3K-inspired wisecracks.

Writer/director Gary Burns offers a suffocating experience which is too boring to be accepted as a satire, too lame to be accepted as a farce, and too infantile to be accepted as a drama.

Although it runs 78 minutes, it feels like 78 hours.

Perhaps it is a shame that no one thought of digitally restoring and theatrically releasing the sex videos that Crane made with the many women he pleasured...that would have been far more entertaining than anything found in Auto Focus.

A thoroughly awful Korean production which vainly attempts to recast the slam-bang conventions of American action-adventure flicks into the sticky world of contemporary Korean politics.

Valeria Bertucelli and Ingrid Rubio as Elena and Natalia barely register for the camera, either in their adult incarnations or as the mod teens of 1975 Argentina.

About as much fun as a grouchy ayatollah in a cold mosque.

Emily Blunt’s Victoria and Rupert Friend’s Albert come across like museum mannequins – utterly devoid of any genuine passion.

The single worst Shakespeare film ever made.

Bubble is among his (Soderbergh) worst films. What in the world was he thinking with this?

Reconfigured into a very different one-woman movie by Gibson and director Jeremy Kagan. Unfortunately, the transformation was not successful.

If Dogville has a reason for importance, it is the astonishing all-star ensemble who try very hard to put life into their cardboard characters and make this silly film work.

With a clumsy hip-hop score permeating every free inch of the soundtrack and ugly 16mm cinematography that would never be allowed out of Film School 101, the audio-visual experience is a wreck. The quality of Quality of Life is non-existent.

This one deserves to go back in the refrigerator – preferably to the very back of the refrigerator!

Tiresome, trite and choked with every lousy Dixie-fried stereotype imaginable.

Thoroughly obnoxious and relentlessly unfunny comedy.

Small, amateurish Israeli feature.

A noisy, chaotic affair.

After sitting through this movie, you will want to throw something more pungent than rice at The Groomsmen.

Easily the most surprising comedy of his career. The surprise: it's not funny.

At 100 minutes in running time, Dallas 362 can be called "The Amateur Hour-and-40-Minutes."

To its credit, the film's costume design is stunning. But unless you have a kimono fetish, there's no reason to pay a good dollar (or a yen, for that matter) on this junk.

Nothing more than a big old chunk of horse poop.

The one lesson learned from watching this film is that Canadians can make movies just as badly as anyone else.

Fans of prison flicks would do better to catch the HBO series "Oz" or the five millionth rebroadcast of "The Shawshank Redemption."

More of a curio than a classic and it takes the strongest of constitutions to endure this film without entertaining notions of matricide

Has a terrible air of been-there/done-that.

Typical of too many films produced in Israel: plodding, verbose, badly-made and completely monotonous.

A minor and forgettable bore.

An Italian-British-French-Spanish-Romanian co-production. A better argument against multinational cooperation cannot be imagined.

Such a hopeless mess that there's no fun in tossing insults at its endless shortcomings.

Painfully boring.

Ghastly.

The Quiet is best for cheap laughs by jaded moviegoers with absolutely nothing better to do with their time.

A small, tacky non-comedy.

London is the independent film world's equivalent of a fiasco.

Unless you are severely addicted to Johnny Depp, this film offers very little in the way of genuine entertainment value. Ultimately, “The Brave” should have been renamed “The Foolish.”

The primary problem with “Rabbit Test” was that it was based on a hoary one-joke concept – in this case, a man becomes pregnant. But Rivers had no clue how to take the concept and expand it into a flowing, coherent comedy script.

A painfully awful film.