Pete Vonder Haar

That legendary adolescent tolerance for garbage may be severely tested by Supercross.

In truth, there's not much point to reviewing Adam Sandler comedies. They're almost always widely panned, and yet still manage to earn well over $100 million domestically. Don’' Mess with the Zohan looks to continue both trends, even if exaggerated Yiddish accents and sex with the elderly only take one so far.

Lowell hews so close to the reunion-film formula he ends up stifling anything new that may otherwise have resulted.

Ferrara, best known as "Turtle" on HBO's Entourage, plays what is essentially a muted version of that character. Abeckaser is more believable, which is unsurprising, since the movie is loosely based on his own experiences.

If Cars is indicative of the kind of movie we can expect from Pixar post-Disney merger, well, there's always Miyazaki.

Scary Movie V murdered my capacity to feel joy.

The Ringer is astoundingly craptastic not because the handicapped are handled poorly (though if they were paid more than union scale I'd be surprised), but because it's one of the most singularly unfunny films ever made.

70 odd minutes of medical tragedy and cops matching wits with criminals devolves into incongruously balletic gunplay accentuated with CGI blood effects so terrible Sam Peckinpah is doing cocaine in his grave. It’s a weirdly calamitous tonal shift, erasing the scant goodwill we’d felt to this point and putting Three down for the count once and for all.

If What Happens in Vegas... serves any purpose, it's to make me consider spending my gambling money in Reno or on a riverboat instead.

Sellers' comic mastery is completely fumbled by Martin and director Shawn Levy.

Reports of boos at the film's debut at Cannes are more understandable now, not because Marie Antoinette is an inaccurate or indifferent look at French history (it is), but because it's self-indulgent shit. Booing - and beheading - are too good for it.

I humbly submit that Cedric the Entertainer be required to give up the "Entertainer" portion of his nom de plume until he actually starts entertaining us.

The end result is stale, clumsy, and about as compelling as an average episode of "As the World Turns."

Q: When is a vampire not a vampire? A: When it goes out in daylight, sees itself in a mirror, doesn’t drink human blood, and still manages to suck.

Absent the actual music, Notorious would be a lot worse.

First-time director James Gartner has managed to whittle away whatever was compelling about the 1966 Miners championship run.

The most interesting aspects of the film — the real pressures felt by caregivers; popular perception of the severely disabled — are obliterated by the heavy-handed script and Swank’s inspirational bromides.

Two things come to mind as you watch the first act of Street Kings, the first is how fresh and exciting the movie would’ve been if it was released in 1984, the second is the question, “James Ellroy wrote that?”

To paraphrase the play's most famous song: how do you measure the lien against your soul when you're forced to sit through something as forcibly maudlin as Rent? I dunno, but 525,600 minutes is about how long this movie felt at times.

Not many actors could do justice to the vanilla story presented by Grogan and screenwriters Scott Frank and Don Roos, but Wilson and Aniston – two of the blandest, most uninteresting actors working today – are just the actors to pull it off.

Dark Water isn't a bad horror movie, simply because it isn’t horror at all: a full hour passes before anything remotely scary occurs, and all the suspenseful scenes take place in the final ten minutes (and are all fully shown in the trailer). What's left is tedium and a seemingly endless build-up to nothing much at all, making it a bad movie. Period.

It looks stylish, sure, but the script is laughable and the acting is ridiculous.

Scoop is about 50 minutes of plot padded with 40 minutes of Woody being Woody.

Seriously, it's a bad sign for your "kids movie" when the kids in question are asking their parents, "When is something going to happen?"

A typical end-of-the-year dump film, in that there's almost no reason to see it.

You won’t want to sit through.

Fails to satisfy.

As it is, you'd get the same level of excitement watching "T.J. Hooker" reruns.