Johnny Oleksinski

The Queen biopic “Bohemian Rhapsody” had plenty of issues, but the electricity of the re-creation of the Live Aid concert was not one of them. While “Michael” shares the same producer as the Freddie Mercury flick — and a nearly identical performance from Mike Myers as a jokey music exec — it boasts none of the nostalgic thrills.

Do these stylistic and narrative departures constitute a smart shake-up of the old mummy formula, as Cronin’s movie promises to do? Eh, not really. The director mostly reshapes what a mummy actually is to suit his lackluster whims.

There is nothing to like or admire in this groaner galaxy. The movie has the unconfident, powder-sugar tone of a Disney direct-to-video release, like “The Lion King 1½,” paired with the overeager advertising of an internet pop-up.

Leave her at the altar! She is “The Bride!,” one of the absolute worst movies I have had the displeasure of watching in this job.

Noooo! Anything but another slapdash horror film with a lazy plot that hinges on artificial intelligence!

Carousel is one of those tundra, dimly lit living-room movies that snobs defend as closer to “real life.”

The inferior second part, short but not nearly short enough, proves just how ill-prepared its creators were for the original’s success.

In the pantheon of James L. Brooks films, “Ella McCay” is far from as good as it gets.

It’s Olsen’s emotional frailty that helps pump up a bad movie into a mediocre one.

Where is Wright’s mastery of tone and zany-but-unnerving quick-cut style? It’s been replaced by a cacophony of assembly-line sci-fi noise in a blah “Blade Runner” that, depending on the scene, is either stupidly serious or seriously stupid.

Ronan has a flair for visuals, no doubt about it. And I liked looking at them. The trouble is his slideshow of impressive landscapes and environments evokes nothing deeper and, actually, is a roadblock to character development and story momentum. Scenic detours.

In the pantheon of films about magical cars, this one is not big, bold or beautiful.

What they’ve chopped up is a cacophony of half-baked characters and rushed ideas that leave you puzzled and unsatisfied. A better title would be “The Chore.”

In the end, what “Caught Stealing” has stolen is time and talent.

It’s a violently annoying and annoyingly violent ensemble piece speckled with “look how wacky we are!” characters that are impossible to put up with; a copycat Coen Brothers yarn with the depth of a tortilla.

“First Steps” marks a slight improvement from the preceding trilogy of terror. But Marvel still can’t nail what should be one of its premiere attractions.

I Smurf-ing loathed it.

The once-great franchise is hardly reborn from the amber this time. It’s slammed by an asteroid yet again.

With “M3GAN 2.0,” the filmmakers have employed a bold strategy: Take a $180-million formula, shred it and forget it.

Legends is the latest in a long line of terrible “Karate Kid” movies. A passing of the torch, such as it is, to the next inferior rip-off.

What was great fun before is mostly mopey and depressing now. A hunk, a hunk of burning IP.

The tragedy of Hutchins’ death overshadows anything that’s good about the film, sadly including her own grand cinematography.

Mine all you like. You’ll never find any smarts in this cavern of stupidty.

The plot goes nowhere glacially. Underdeveloped side characters are so far to the side, they’re out of frame.

The plot is a watered-down grab-bag of old, tired ideas.

Nothing’s wrong with a few buckets of blood, but Perkins’ movie waters them down with its repetitious plot and weak attempts at humor. “The Monkey” strains to be a comedy as much as a horror film and effectively works as neither.

If you thought Marvel Studios was committed to getting back on track by making fewer movies of higher quality, wait till you see Captain America: Brave New World...The situation over there is so dire, they’ve brought back a plotline from “Eternals.” “Eternals”!

“Love Hurts” is only 83 minutes long. “Hurrah!,” you say before it starts. But the film feels endless because the story is such a chore to follow.