John Patterson

If you've never seen the original, you may have no idea what's going on.

A waste of the filmmakers' time and ours, and offering further evidence that, outside the art house, much British cinema has its head jammed tightly up its own arse.

There's more than a hint of self-pitying male-castration fantasy in writer-director Jeff Franklin's portrayal.

Mutates halfway through into a ham-fisted action movie that squanders the good will, and insults the intelligence, of its audience.

Levy, Luis Guzman, Cheri Oteri -- utterly wasted. At 82 minutes it feels longer than “Lawrence of Arabia” -- and a lot less funny.

All Serving Sara can offer is Perry with his arm shoulder-deep up a longhorn steer's backside, a wasted supporting cast that includes Vincent Pastore and Cedric the Entertainer, and a huge, comedian-shaped hole where Hurley's performance should be.

Gormless, gutless little home movie.

One of those puppy-love movies that make you feel like you're slowly drowning.

Three strikes maybe, but no stars and no thumbs up (except the one way, way up its own ass).

Miraculously seems a great deal longer (this is not a good thing) as it careens from shit joke to corpse joke to ass joke to dog-turd joke and back.

Writer-director David DeFalco's ugly, pointless and dishonest remake of Craven's remake.