John Patterson

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For 133 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 55% higher than the average critic
  • 5% same as the average critic
  • 40% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

John Patterson's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 The Fallen Idol (re-release)
Lowest review score: 0 Chaos
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 55 out of 133
  2. Negative: 29 out of 133
133 movie reviews
    • 45 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    We spend too much time with the kidnappers - a veritable Geek Squad of undifferentiated techies - as each successive escape attempt is foiled and our eyes are warped by abundant shots of computer screens and grainy surveillance-camera footage.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 30 John Patterson
    Koppelman and Lieven's toneless, generic direction style is slack, not slick, and they handle actors like livestock. Only John Malkovich, as Matty's psychotic uncle, retains his dignity.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Even the relatively successful pairing of neckless maestro of anxiety Stiller with the indomitably effervescent Black gets bogged down by Steve Adams' aimless screenplay. Would the Barry Levinson who once made "Diner" please wake up and pull himself together?
    • 46 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Yet another unfunny buppie sex comedy in the manner of "The Brothers," "Two Can Play That Game" and "Deliver Us From Eva."
    • 66 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Indulging his taste for Grand Guignol and the stylistically baroque, Schwentke never quite overplays his hand, though his occasional lapses into visual extravagance can be irritating, and the result is a nasty, intelligent and complex thriller.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 10 John Patterson
    It's outclassed by the memory of just about every prizefighting flick you've ever seen.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 30 John Patterson
    The narrative chronology is so heavily hacked about, its tenses so addled and the material so thinly spread across so many characters, one can scarcely keep it straight in one's head without going cross-eyed.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Aranoa's bleak yet warmly humanistic Princesas deftly and sympathetically ponders the interlocked destinies of two Madrid prostitutes.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 20 John Patterson
    Extraordinary is the very last adjective that comes to mind.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    If as much thought had been expended on character and consequences as was lavished on bell-bottom diameters, collar widths and soundtrack selection, Blow might have been a richer, more intelligent experience, and much more Demme's movie than a carbon copy of other people's.
    • 77 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    Ramsay has made a movie in which a universe of hopelessness and decay is penetrated by shafts of light that remake these bleak surroundings in strange and beautiful ways.
    • 34 Metascore
    • 30 John Patterson
    No matter how “real” things appear, scenarios and story arcs are relentlessly imposed upon the partay-cipants so as to finesse a narrative as crudely overdetermined and howlingly predictable as any studio-manufactured fiction.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    By the time it hits you, you're worn out by all the dead ends and false trails the movie has put you through.
    • 1 Metascore
    • 0 John Patterson
    Writer-director David DeFalco's ugly, pointless and dishonest remake of Craven's remake.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    One of the sweetest comedies in a long time, which doesn't mean it's sugary or fey.
    • 32 Metascore
    • 20 John Patterson
    A cut above the usual teenage-wasteland movie.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Fleming's more than passable, often extremely funny remake.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Remarkable energy and wit, and is probably the most purely enjoyable entry in Kaufman's suboeuvre of literary excursions.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    The movie lover in you will recoil; your inner sophomore will rejoice.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    Culkin, a revelation here, mines every last nuance of the confusion and anger that results. Bursting with grenadelike one-liners and full-bodied performances, particularly from Sarandon (batty) and Goldblum (creepy) -- Igby Goes Down inaugurates a career that should be well worth following closely.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    If the contrast between Marine life and blue-blood luxury sometimes pulls the film in awkward directions, Anselmo's perceptive fondness for all his characters -- parents, children, grunts, even drill sergeants -- more than compensates.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Even more problematic is the script's clumsy, sprawling architecture, Sheridan's clubfooted sense of pacing and his grubby, indistinct visuals. The only upside? The Chieftains aren't on the soundtrack.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    A bracingly sarcastic political comedy -- it opens on a bound copy of Mexico's Constitution, stuffed with cash -- possessed of a baleful satiric eye for hypocrisy and greed, a delicious anti-clerical bent, and pitch-perfect comic timing.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    A refreshing antidote to those E! True Hollywood Story documentaries on adult-film figures like John Holmes, Savannah and Traci Lords.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Nauseating, tasteless and offensive -- but in all the best ways.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    The result is the niftiest Bond movie in years -- fresh, funny, and jammed to the rafters with demented stunts, Boys'-Own gadgetry and brazen promiscuity.
    • 13 Metascore
    • 10 John Patterson
    Lurches from one set-piece stomach-lurcher to the next with nary a nod to narrative coherence.
    • 7 Metascore
    • 0 John Patterson
    Miraculously seems a great deal longer (this is not a good thing) as it careens from shit joke to corpse joke to ass joke to dog-turd joke and back.
    • 71 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Proves that it's possible for a movie to be reckless and adventurous merely by being sedate, unhurried and contemplative.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Immensely exciting and funny.
    • 62 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    Lovely, lovely, lovely.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Equal parts big-house B-feature, hammer-down road movie, post-feminist consciousness-raiser and rock & roll pipe dream.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Genially moronic, Road Trip will tide you over until the next slice of "American Pie" comes along.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Overall Sheridan keeps both "Oirishry" and sentimentality in check. He captures the book's evenhanded sense.
    • 73 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    It's a rare pleasure to see these senior citizens given so much screen time, droopy butts and all.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Helgeland strips the material back to its pulp origins and overlays it with a patina of glib motifs familiar to devotees of Hollywood’s 1970s renaissance.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Without a well-delineated political or social framework, Union Square offers little that we didn't already know.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    A coercive script by James Kearns, and some middling direction by Nick Cassavetes, can't rob the movie of an undeniable, headlong crowd-pleasing power.
    • 86 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Inspirational...unfolds gently with an evenness and rural patience.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 30 John Patterson
    Oscillating gracelessly between the coarse and the merely saccharine, 50 First Dates, directed with zero visual or comedic flair by Peter Segal (Anger Management, Tommy Boy), showcases Sandler's cuddlier side as it reprises the tepid chemistry that he and Barrymore road-tested in "The Wedding Singer."
    • 71 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Inspirational stuff, and often hysterical to boot.
    • tbd Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    An accomplished miniaturist's documentary -- 80 finely wrought minutes in alternating increments of wonder and loss.
    • 84 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Noyce has made a good-looking, intelligent stab at the novel, mildly undermined by a tendency to seek contemporary relevance.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Although its lushness and penchant for melodrama are the cinematic equivalent of Billy Sherrill's syrupy string arrangements for George Jones, Tammy Wynette and Charlie Rich circa 1973, the movie deftly manages to remain sweet without becoming saccharine.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    The film's sheer likability and very impressive gag-to-giggle ratio derive more from sweetness and sharpness than from shit jokes.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    It sure comes through on the belly-laugh front, from its animated in-flight, safety-manual credits through to the very last blooper ('ooligan Vinnie Jones' breathtaking, obscenity-filled rant against the "fahkin' Eye-ties").
    • 71 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Babenco's kindly, concerned eye seeks out the humanity in even the worst of his characters, and by the time he re-creates the massacre, with shocking power and force, one has been equally captivated and appalled at the world he shows. The result is one of the richest prison movies in years.
    • 18 Metascore
    • 10 John Patterson
    Gormless, gutless little home movie.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 20 John Patterson
    Occasionally the Woo-inflected action sequences - particularly a horse stampede through town on hanging day, and an escape from a moving train - rouse the film from its anti-historic, even mythophobic torpor.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Crowe's undeniable gifts -- his well-crafted individual scenes and his love for his characters -- are more evident here than his flaws.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Gossip is trash, but it's well-written, slickly directed trash.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    A schizophrenic outing from habitually hysterical director Tony Scott (True Romance, The Fan), Man on Fire is a movie of two unreconcilable halves.
    • 78 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    The result is an intelligent, moving and invigorating film, just the thing for adults bored with the shock-horror posturing to be found in the work of so many young European directors.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Jolie hogs the spotlight as usual, leaving romantic interest Ed Burns struggling to register and only Shaloub -- fetid, dirty, soulful -- with his dignity intact.
    • 70 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    It goes straight to the top of the class. O can there be such a thing as too keen a guilty pleasure, particularly when the whole genre is knowingly pitched to audiences as a trashophile's delight? No, there cannot.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Any movie offering a Muzak version of the Ramones' "Blitzkrieg Bop"warrants an immediate and unqualified recommendation.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Jackson and Levy strike only damp sparks off each other, and they seem to have been introduced to each other --without benefit of rehearsal -- mere moments before the director cried "Action!"
    • 45 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Into the Blue is a likable bimbo of a movie, all surface and -- despite breathtaking underwater photography and a marked resemblance to Peter Yates' "The Deep" -- zero depth.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    While the film has the feel of an illustrated radio play, it teems nonetheless with pleasing ambiguities and subtle doubts, and its elusive qualities force the viewer into active and rewarding participation rather than simple passive spectatorship.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    The drawback is Tyler, who lacks the vigor and energy her part requires in order to transcend charges of misogyny.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Whenever Green shows up to do his semi-improvised, non-acting shtick (detaching pit bulls from testicles, kamikaze wheelchair rides, etc.), this otherwise sprightly and intermittently amusing movie suddenly feels like a ship dragging its anchor.
    • 24 Metascore
    • 20 John Patterson
    If you've never seen the original, you may have no idea what's going on.
    • 88 Metascore
    • 100 John Patterson
    One of the great movies about childhood innocence accidentally violated by adults...Reed, an often inconsistent filmmaker, handles the brutal mechanics of the plot superbly, with the marbled interiors of the embassy contrasting sharply with his almost neo-realist outdoor shots of postwar London.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Worth it, though, for the conviction and ramrod-erect bearing that pros Jackson and Jones bring to their roles.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Remarkably, it took four writers to concoct this tin-eared, slighter-than-slight farce.
    • 72 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    One of the sturdier superhero movies of the last couple of years, with monsters and effects and diabolical baddies to spare, a heart as big as a house and a love story that actually gets its hooks in you.
    • 54 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Looks like no other recent release...certainly rich enough to warrant more than one viewing.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Whether Quitting will prove absorbing to American audiences is debatable: After all, it's not like we don't have enough rehab stories of our own, and Jia often comes across as a sullen, unreachable brat.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Despite its flaws, Arlington Road romps home as an absorbing, unpredictable thriller.
    • 49 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    Although not quite as uproarious or as wickedly subversive as Pedro AlmodĂłvar's more substantial body of work, Queens is content to scamper gaily in the wake of his achievements -- and to offer one more reason for old Franco to roll anew in his grave.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    The movie has a rambunctious and likable energy that compensates for its unsteady, only intermittently amusing narrative.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Relentless, infantile and impossible to dislike.
    • 56 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Full of clever reversals, brief triumphs and bitter setbacks, Wolf Creek is consummately well-crafted, unapologetically vicious and leavened with moments of humor that merely intensify the horror.
    • 13 Metascore
    • 0 John Patterson
    One of those puppy-love movies that make you feel like you're slowly drowning.
    • 60 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    Very much a fully realized cinematic experience. John Turturro, even if you have to act less, be sure to direct more, and often.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    The inventive, often comically horrible fight set pieces will have you standing on your seat cheering like a Viking, and the result is a supremely kinetic and amusing guilty pleasure.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Sadly for dramatic purposes, Jones' achievements seemed effortless, and the movie could really use the odd Ty Cobb wig-out.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    It all feels rather laddish and belabored, but it will eat up 90 minutes of your time without making you regret the loss.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 30 John Patterson
    A little bit "pi," a little bit "julien donkey-boy," a little bit "Eraserhead," Buddy Boy doesn't equal these, but offers bizarre pleasures of its own.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    The characters are flat creatures of duty, and the film is more a tale of the collective will of a state than of the rugged individuals behind it.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 70 John Patterson
    It's dirty and delightful, if a tad on the slight side.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 30 John Patterson
    The interchangeable males all resemble Freddie Prinze Jr., and Anderson's direction is no less anemic, making one yearn for an Escape/Quit button that, sadly, doesn't exist in this medium.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Disfigured by flabby dialogue (“You can't put a number on my dreams!”), unfunny pratfalls and criminally slack pacing.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 20 John Patterson
    Intriguing for a while, then steadily more confusing and finally just incoherent.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Richer and cleverer than any Merchant Ivory movie in memory.
    • 79 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    What's left is "Masterpiece Theatre," a very clean, straightforward adaptation of a beautifully constructed play, faithful to a dead man's classical virtues -- harmony, proportion, balance -- if not to the director's own, more iconoclastic ones.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    The end result is like cold porridge with only the odd enjoyably chewy lump.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Somehow poor pacing and this lack of visual variety manage to make a great show seem boring.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    At once over- and under-written, and peppered with tiresome coincidences and misunderstandings, Goldberg’s mechanical, joke-one, joke-two, joke-three approach to ensemble screenwriting soon betrays his TV-sitcom roots.
    • 21 Metascore
    • 10 John Patterson
    Mutates halfway through into a ham-fisted action movie that squanders the good will, and insults the intelligence, of its audience.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    There's more than a hint of self-pitying male-castration fantasy in writer-director Jeff Franklin's portrayal.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Oddly anemic and muted -- BBC Saturday-night material.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    The always-watchable Bologna is the adhesive holding together this slight and gentle romantic comedy, lending it perhaps more conviction and authority than the material warrants.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Schwentke handles the claustrophobic environment efficiently enough, though he dallies too long before letting anxiety give way to action.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Profound and joyously silly at the same time.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    Writer-director Alex de la Iglesia's bouncy, swaggering satire of ethics-deficient, survival-of-the-fittest free enterprise, peopled by broad grotesques and hysterical caricatures, adds Chabrolian callousness to a cartoonish worldview reminiscent of Frank Tashlin or Joe Dante at their most frenzied.
    • 29 Metascore
    • 30 John Patterson
    Marks no discernible improvement on its predecessors "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" and "The Animal," though the sight of the deeply unprepossessing Schneider all dolled up for girlie business is good for a few shallow chuckles.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Relentlessly positive and optimistic, the film is also likable, in the most chaste way imaginable.
    • 75 Metascore
    • 90 John Patterson
    Immensely rich, clipped and precise, with a sly, sardonic sense of humor.
    • 64 Metascore
    • 80 John Patterson
    The movie belongs quite rightly to Wendy, the most enchanting little girl in English fiction, and to the untrained actress, Rachel Hurd-Wood, who plays her.

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