John Patterson

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L.A. Weekly
For 133 reviews, this critic has graded:
  • 55% higher than the average critic
  • 5% same as the average critic
  • 40% lower than the average critic
On average, this critic grades 10.7 points lower than other critics. (0-100 point scale)

John Patterson's Scores

  • Movies
  • TV
Average review score: 55
Highest review score: 100 The Fallen Idol (re-release)
Lowest review score: 0 Chaos
Score distribution:
  1. Positive: 55 out of 133
  2. Mixed: 49 out of 133
  3. Negative: 29 out of 133
133 movie reviews
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    • 45 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Firewall
    We spend too much time with the kidnappers - a veritable Geek Squad of undifferentiated techies - as each successive escape attempt is foiled and our eyes are warped by abundant shots of computer screens and grainy surveillance-camera footage.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Envy
    Even the relatively successful pairing of neckless maestro of anxiety Stiller with the indomitably effervescent Black gets bogged down by Steve Adams' aimless screenplay. Would the Barry Levinson who once made "Diner" please wake up and pull himself together?
    • 46 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Breakin' All the Rules
    Yet another unfunny buppie sex comedy in the manner of "The Brothers," "Two Can Play That Game" and "Deliver Us From Eva."
    • 52 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Blow
    If as much thought had been expended on character and consequences as was lavished on bell-bottom diameters, collar widths and soundtrack selection, Blow might have been a richer, more intelligent experience, and much more Demme's movie than a carbon copy of other people's.
    • 42 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Along Came a Spider
    By the time it hits you, you're worn out by all the dead ends and false trails the movie has put you through.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    American Pie
    The movie lover in you will recoil; your inner sophomore will rejoice.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Stateside
    If the contrast between Marine life and blue-blood luxury sometimes pulls the film in awkward directions, Anselmo's perceptive fondness for all his characters -- parents, children, grunts, even drill sergeants -- more than compensates.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Get Rich or Die Tryin'
    Even more problematic is the script's clumsy, sprawling architecture, Sheridan's clubfooted sense of pacing and his grubby, indistinct visuals. The only upside? The Chieftains aren't on the soundtrack.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV
    Nauseating, tasteless and offensive -- but in all the best ways.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Road Trip
    Genially moronic, Road Trip will tide you over until the next slice of "American Pie" comes along.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Payback
    Helgeland strips the material back to its pulp origins and overlays it with a patina of glib motifs familiar to devotees of Hollywood’s 1970s renaissance.
    • 51 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Union Square
    Without a well-delineated political or social framework, Union Square offers little that we didn't already know.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    John Q
    A coercive script by James Kearns, and some middling direction by Nick Cassavetes, can't rob the movie of an undeniable, headlong crowd-pleasing power.
    • 30 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Where the Heart Is
    Although its lushness and penchant for melodrama are the cinematic equivalent of Billy Sherrill's syrupy string arrangements for George Jones, Tammy Wynette and Charlie Rich circa 1973, the movie deftly manages to remain sweet without becoming saccharine.
    • 26 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Van Wilder
    The film's sheer likability and very impressive gag-to-giggle ratio derive more from sweetness and sharpness than from shit jokes.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Elizabethtown
    Crowe's undeniable gifts -- his well-crafted individual scenes and his love for his characters -- are more evident here than his flaws.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Gossip
    Gossip is trash, but it's well-written, slickly directed trash.
    • 47 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Man on Fire
    A schizophrenic outing from habitually hysterical director Tony Scott (True Romance, The Fan), Man on Fire is a movie of two unreconcilable halves.
    • 31 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Life or Something Like It
    Jolie hogs the spotlight as usual, leaving romantic interest Ed Burns struggling to register and only Shaloub -- fetid, dirty, soulful -- with his dignity intact.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    The Man
    Jackson and Levy strike only damp sparks off each other, and they seem to have been introduced to each other --without benefit of rehearsal -- mere moments before the director cried "Action!"
    • 45 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Into the Blue
    Into the Blue is a likable bimbo of a movie, all surface and -- despite breathtaking underwater photography and a marked resemblance to Peter Yates' "The Deep" -- zero depth.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Long Time Since
    While the film has the feel of an illustrated radio play, it teems nonetheless with pleasing ambiguities and subtle doubts, and its elusive qualities force the viewer into active and rewarding participation rather than simple passive spectatorship.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    One Night at McCool's
    The drawback is Tyler, who lacks the vigor and energy her part requires in order to transcend charges of misogyny.
    • 25 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Stealing Harvard
    Whenever Green shows up to do his semi-improvised, non-acting shtick (detaching pit bulls from testicles, kamikaze wheelchair rides, etc.), this otherwise sprightly and intermittently amusing movie suddenly feels like a ship dragging its anchor.
    • 33 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Chasing Papi
    Remarkably, it took four writers to concoct this tin-eared, slighter-than-slight farce.
    • 61 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Quitting
    Whether Quitting will prove absorbing to American audiences is debatable: After all, it's not like we don't have enough rehab stories of our own, and Jia often comes across as a sullen, unreachable brat.
    • 36 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Cradle 2 the Grave
    Relentless, infantile and impossible to dislike.
    • 45 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Bobby Jones: Stroke of Genius
    Sadly for dramatic purposes, Jones' achievements seemed effortless, and the movie could really use the odd Ty Cobb wig-out.
    • 55 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Snatch.
    It all feels rather laddish and belabored, but it will eat up 90 minutes of your time without making you regret the loss.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Francis Ford Coppola Presents: The Legend of Suriyothai
    The characters are flat creatures of duty, and the film is more a tale of the collective will of a state than of the rugged individuals behind it.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    The Perfect Score
    Disfigured by flabby dialogue (“You can't put a number on my dreams!”), unfunny pratfalls and criminally slack pacing.
    • 52 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Cotton Mary
    Richer and cleverer than any Merchant Ivory movie in memory.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Lucky Break
    The end result is like cold porridge with only the odd enjoyably chewy lump.
    • 58 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
    Somehow poor pacing and this lack of visual variety manage to make a great show seem boring.
    • 46 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Must Love Dogs
    At once over- and under-written, and peppered with tiresome coincidences and misunderstandings, Goldberg’s mechanical, joke-one, joke-two, joke-three approach to ensemble screenwriting soon betrays his TV-sitcom roots.
    • 23 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Love Stinks
    There's more than a hint of self-pitying male-castration fantasy in writer-director Jeff Franklin's portrayal.
    • 44 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    The Closer You Get
    Oddly anemic and muted -- BBC Saturday-night material.
    • 35 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    Returning Mickey Stern
    The always-watchable Bologna is the adhesive holding together this slight and gentle romantic comedy, lending it perhaps more conviction and authority than the material warrants.
    • 53 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Flightplan
    Schwentke handles the claustrophobic environment efficiently enough, though he dallies too long before letting anxiety give way to action.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Woman on Top
    Relentlessly positive and optimistic, the film is also likable, in the most chaste way imaginable.
    • 65 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    Animal Factory
    What enrich the film are its layers of detail -- moronic racial protocols, turf wars, pecking orders, men as livestock -- the authenticity of the dialogue and the rich range of characters.
    • 48 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Orgazmo
    There’s something entirely ridiculous about rating a movie like this NC-17: Why should sniggering, infantile, adolescent humor be denied its natural core audience of snigger-ing, infantile adolescents?
    • 43 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    The Beach
    An intermittently gripping, good-looking movie.
    • 68 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    The War Zone
    Roth can obviously direct actors sympathetically, and he paces the movie adroitly.
    • 57 Metascore
    • 60 John Patterson
    The Man from Elysian Fields
    Despite its dry wit and compassion, the film suffers from a philosophical emptiness and maddeningly sedate pacing, and, in the end, the only aspect of the movie that truly commands attention is Jagger's desperately inexpressive acting, which hasn’t improved one iota since "Ned Kelly."
    • 46 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Miss Julie
    A solidly filmed great play.
    • 66 Metascore
    • 40 John Patterson
    I Am Trying to Break Your Heart
    As Tweedy talks about canning his stockbroker and repairing his pool, you yearn for a few airborne TV sets or nude groupies on the nod to liven things up. And what do we get? Diet Coke! Tonight is definitely not the night.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Dancing at the Blue Iguana
    Iguana runs hot and cold, being engaging and dull by turns depending on the plausibility of the character before the camera.
    • 41 Metascore
    • 50 John Patterson
    Stoned
    Despite good performances from Gregory, Considine and especially David Morrissey, the movie's true merits are all on the surface: its uncannily authentic period reconstruction and its successful use of stressed and textured film stocks. The filmmakers care more about this than about their characters, and it's hard for us not to feel the same.

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