Joe Williams

It's more like a shelved episode of "Touched by An Angel." The sappy script is a disservice to the naturally effervescent Efron, whose character is so mopey he makes Robert Pattinson seem like a song-and-dance man.

With the overlong, limp and lazy Spy, Feig has lost his mojo.

This world is divided between the makers and the takers, and after just a few minutes of Red Dawn, you'll realize there's not much more you can take.

It’s preposterous schlock masquerading as art.

This movie is so tone-deaf it would only make sense in Vincent van Gogh’s missing ear.

Sorry, Keanu, but you stole my time and you murdered my brain cells. By the sacred oath of WHOA, there will be blood, and this time it’s personal.

With this unfunny fourth installment, the "Ice Age" franchise has skidded so far into kiddie land that adults who tread there risk extinction.

Cinderella is so scrubbed of personality, it’s not even worth calling a mess.

The good news is that Ed Helms doesn’t wake up in a Tijuana brothel with an amputated leg and a donkey in the room. The bad news is that you’ll wish he had.

Kingsman is like a high-speed collision between a Jaguar and a jaywalking soccer hooligan. It’s ridiculously out of balance, and when you’re stuck in the middle, it doesn’t seem so funny.

Disney’s gimmick of naming movies for its theme-park attractions crashes and burns in Tomorrowland, a here-and-now caper that will confuse children, bore adults and offend anyone who’s ever taken a science class.

If you’re a fan of the “Taken” movies and tend to give action-hero Neeson the benefit of the doubt, our advice here is simple: Run away!

Old Dogs is so oafish, when it tosses us a biscuit, it feels like we've been smacked with a newspaper.

On Stranger Tides has the fishy smell of something washed ashore and sold as new. But this shipwreck isn't worth a wooden doubloon.

So stupid and hateful, it needs to have a stake driven through its heart before it can spawn a franchise.

Here most of the punishment is inflicted on the audience, which gets nailed to a cross of boredom.

A soulless, overblown bore.

While the cast includes Luis Guzman (as a buffoonish deputy) and Johnny Knoxville (as a local gun nut), there's no sense that these are real people in a real town, and Schwarzenegger's Sheriff Owens has the weakest backstory of all.

The worst thing about this multifaceted failure is the two-time Oscar winner behind the camera. Where there ought to be a director, there’s nothing but an empty chair.

An utter shipwreck, a would-be adventure with meager rations of magic and a listless crew.

Comedies about privileged princesses and unsuitable suitors come in all colors, but Peeples is only palatable on a double bill with pink antacid.

The best thing you could say about Happy Feet Two is that it doesn't have any product placements or potty jokes. Other than that, this charmless Antarctic cartoon is what it looks like when hell freezes over.

Even by the sloppy, soulless standards of hit man movies, The Mechanic is a mess.

As in the first "Sherlock Holmes" movie, there are plenty of pratfalls and bare-knuckle brawls but no sleuthing for us to share.

In trying to lift this lame schtick, De Niro, Douglas, Freeman and Kline are stand-up guys, but Last Vegas is a case of erectile dysfunction.

In Secret is so stifled, it makes “Les Misérables” look like “Amélie.”

For anyone expecting the second coming of Clouseau, Johnny English Reborn is a karmic catastrophe.

Like the middle-aged dads in this flaccid fiasco, Hall Pass is a decade behind the curve of what's happening.