James Berardinelli

Few authors have been as badly victimized by Hollywood as King; this is just another title to add to the list.

Sadly, as apt as comparisons to "Underworld" might seem, I, Frankenstein can't even clear that very low bar.

The caper in Carter & June is clumsy and straightforward, lacking sophistication and intelligence. Sadly, that’s an apt description of the film as a whole, which is difficult to sit through and leaves no lasting impression beyond the desire to warn people to stay away.

There’s a tiny problem, though: Clementine is neither erotic nor a thriller.

The follow-up proves not only to be creatively bankrupt but a disappointment on all levels and thereby tarnishes the perception of its predecessor.

"Magic Mike" was self-contained, made with no expectation of a second chapter - and they prove unable to surmount it. Too many elements that made the first film an enjoyable experience are missing.

Offensive because it offers little more than unleavened stupidity in the place of the family-friendly action and comedy it promises.

At its best, Dumb and Dumber is like an Ernest movie with a scatological bent.

Things might have been okay if this film had gone someplace, anyplace, but it stalls early, then coasts through an hour of minimally-amusing material before screeching to an amazingly improbable stop.

Horror fans will be disgusted by the lack of gore. Romance fans will be disgusted by the presence of gore. One is tempted to applaud the filmmakers for trying something this daring, but the result isn't good enough to warrant any acclaim, however lukewarm it might be.

In The Beekeeper, as has been the case with pretty much anything Statham has done in the past half-decade, the actor is on hand to collect a paycheck in exchange for bringing a recognizable name to the proceedings.

An inferior product. It is not well written, well acted, or well directed.

I found the most extreme material to be so tasteless that it voided all comedy.

This is a bad movie with a good sense of humor.

A colossal disappointment. Not because it's superficial and shallow –- those characteristics pretty much go with the territory –- but because it's boring.

Although there are a number of problems with the production, the most glaring is the screenplay. The flaws of the final act are so flagrant that nothing short of a rewrite would have solved them.

Akin to watching a bad sit-com that never ends.

If I see another send-up of Sharon Stone's character in Basic Instinct, I think I'll walk out of the theater. It wasn't funny the first time, and, by now, it's gotten downright annoying. Who cares if she uncrossed her legs without any panties on? Let's move onto something new. Belaboring that issue is like watching this movie: pointless.

The Electric State has an epic look but that’s increasingly common in any movie with sci-fi elements. But, aside from the special effects, it feels unfinished, with the actors groping to inhabit barely-there characters. What does it say when Mr. Peanut has more personality than either of the main characters?

Perhaps the strangest thing about 2012 is that the bad parts of the film are among the most enjoyable, because they're so over-the-top ridiculous that it's impossible not to break out laughing.

For those looking for something positive, this is the only movie I can recall that features music from both ABBA ("Does Your Mother Know") and Handel ("Zadok the Priest"). Let's hear it for musical diversity!

Ironically for something titled The Watchers, this production lacks the basic quality of watchability.

National Treasure's storyline isn't compelling or coherent enough to warrant the term "plot."

The problem with Bones and All isn’t that it’s disgusting or shocking or transgressive; it’s that it’s a tedious slog.

There’s nothing imaginary about how bad a misfire this movie is even for the Blumhouse base.

This is one of those nearly unwatchable movies that becomes an endurance contest for any thinking adult.

Seagal fans will find that their hero is still in his usual form (his form, like his expression, hasn't wavered since he debuted in Above the Law). The action scenes are adequately directed (by Felix Enriquez Alcala, a TV director making the crossover to feature films), and there's a genuinely tense truck-and-car chase that is worth about 90 seconds of moderate excitement. The rest of the film is all by-the-book stuff, but that's what's expected whenever the name "Steven Seagal" tops the marquee.

A turd of T-Rex proportions, Land of the Lost makes one remember last summer's "Speed Racer" fondly.

Those who like stale, formula-driven comedies with sickeningly-sweet happy endings, not to mention unbelievably-contrived plots, will find Sister Act 2 an example of good entertainment.

It's the most disappointing thing to come from the brothers in years.

Season of the Witch teeters on the edge of slipping into the "so bad it's good" camp, but ultimately ends up being merely bad.

It doesn't take long for the The Signal's promising beginning to fade into a haze that leaves the viewer exhausted and irritated.

Humor is subjective, but this movie made me feel as if I had been subjected to something unpleasant.

Godsend is godawful.

One can give Ice Cube props for attitude, but not much more.

Kids will probably love this film but, to be frank, most children aren't that discriminating (apologies to the few who are). There's nothing in the film that's reprehensible (although some may find the concept of a one-hundred five minute commercial for a game offensive in itself), but I find it hard to believe that many adults accompanying their youngsters will be entertained. In general, about the best recommendation I can come up with regarding this movie is to turn on the Nintendo and play a game yourself. You'll have more fun, spend less money, and it will be over a whole lot faster.

Unappealing for children and adults alike, The King and I will likely bring families together in their mutual boredom.

The Brown Bunny is one long, self-indulgent bore topped off with a hard-core porn scene featuring Gallo and co-star Chloë Sevigny.

It stands alongside this year's other werewolf disaster, "Blood and Chocolate," in illustrating why the moon should set on the werewolf movie.

No amount of youthful charisma can alter the fact that, in the light of "Dangerous Liaisons", Cruel Intentions is a feeble and dissatisfying shadow.

Did You Hear about the Morgans? Yes and, to be perfectly frank, I wish I had been spared the experience.

By trying to satisfy every kind of viewer, it's possible that Sphere may end up pleasing no one.

This is film noir for the MTV generation: fast-paced, slick, flashy, gleefully mindless, and hollow to the core.

Men in Black International is more than just an afterthought; it’s an unfortunate afterthought. Popular interest has long since evaporated and providing a new paint coat (courtesy of stars Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson) can’t change that foundational fact.

Three adjectives spring to mind when describing Marie Antoinette: odd, irritating, and tedious.

A movie so inane that it fails to rise to the level of "good trash."

Who would have imagined that a movie about sex could be so boring? That's the bottom line when it comes to Fifty Shades of Grey.

The Matrix Resurrections is a waste of time and money. For fans of the series, it’s a betrayal that deserves to be ignored and forgotten as soon as possible.

Boring and uninspired, this movie gives ghost stories a bad name.

There's enough material in Self/less to fuel a mini-series. Instead of letting the story breathe, the film rushes along at breakneck speed, using contrivances and "shortcuts" in failed attempts at character development.

With the flat characters and lifeless performances, it's a wonder that anyone in the audience can stay awake all the way through this dull and dreary production.

The only thing of interest is the zany, over-the-top and against-type performance by Dennis Quaid, who shows what happens when “ruggedly handsome” gets an infusion of a diabolical Dirty Harry.

The Other Woman ignores dozens of potentially edgy possibilities to tell the most banal story imaginable - and to do it badly.

A huge disappointment -- the kind of motion picture that makes you actively angry at the filmmaker for subjecting you to it and stealing two hours of your life.

There's no fun to be had here and if an action movie doesn't make the grade as escapist entertainment, what's the point?

For all of its existential posturing, Being Human ends up being a rather shallow motion picture.

LaBeouf, who appeared to hit a low in "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull," has sunk to greater levels of incompetence here.

Nearly every role is miscast, which is rather amazing. Christoph Waltz and Judi Dench (as an abbess) are perhaps the exceptions.

Unless you're a fan of Slater or Tomei, or hopelessly addicted to sappy, ineptly-handled love stories, there's no reason whatsoever to subject yourself to this movie.

Sluggish. Torpid. Boring. Those three words (and more) can describe The Yellow Handkerchief, a stultifying road trip movie whose inept screenplay is only partially counterbalanced by a trio of nice performances.

There’s only so far you can take a slasher series without doing something truly off-the-wall. Since the studio refused to attempt a radical refit, we’re left with this: a franchise-charring dumpster fire.

At times dull and plodding and at other times cartoonishly silly, Kin rarely works and, when it does, it’s often for the wrong reasons.

Beverly Hills Ninja is essentially a one-joke film.

This new horror/romance mashup provides just enough flavor of Jane Austen’s classic to tease without satisfying.

Those who don't understand what it means for an actor to "sleepwalk" through a performance need only watch Men in Black III; there's no shortage of examples.

The new Ivan Reitman/Arnold Schwarzenegger comedy is a one-joke affair, and it takes surprisingly little time for the potential humor in the situation to wear thin.

The storyline is so infantile that it will appeal to young kids.

Isn't worth the time, money, or effort. For Stephen King aficionados, it's just the latest cinematic nightmare.

Although Spiral pretends to mine the trope of one good cop investigating department corruption, that’s really just an excuse to present long, lovingly-filmed instances of sadism and torture.

The breath of fresh air, to the extent that one can be identified in the staleness of this recycled refuse, is John Cleese.

The only reason any male could have for seeing The Vow is the hope of getting laid afterwards. The only reason any female could have for seeing The Vow is if she views the plots of Harlequin romance novels as the height of modern storytelling.

As far as I'm concerned, it's official: Hollywood has lost the art of how to make horror films.

The lackluster acting and horrendous dialogue don't help.

Only for die-hard Cho fans. Everyone else will be offended, bored, or some combination of the two.

The Watch is a studio turd marinated in eau de skunk that stinks worse than week-old fish.

The movie is rarely funny with much of the comedy being too broad, too predictable, or both.

The entire affair is so badly bungled that there isn’t even a briefly satisfying moment of catharsis. The obvious next act for these Horsemen is to vanish—and never come back.

This is the kind of tearjerker that will cause audience members to cry, but only because they paid hard-earned money to see it.

There is no truth to the rumor that free frontal lobotomies will be performed at the entrance to all theaters showing Eagle Eye.

It is possible to make a movie in which nearly the entire running length is a car chase. An example of how to do this is "Duel." An example of how not to do it is Kidnap.

What's missing from Blended? Two key ingredients: it doesn't touch the heart and it doesn't tickle the funny bone (at least not often enough).

Cloying and at times annoying, Life as We Know It is egregiously manipulative, whoring itself out for a few unearned tears.

There are stretches when it becomes tedious and insufferably self important. There's even a late scene in which the movie turns preachy.

Two agonizing hours of lifeless, mind-numbing hogwash.

Yes, this film is worse than "Cliffhanger," Stallone's last venture into chaos.

Tedious and predictable, it employs obvious situations and clichés instead of genuine suspense-building elements.

A preposterous thriller where the only thing more disappointing than the ending is the 93 minutes it takes to get there.

Unfortunately, although there are a few nasty thorns here and there, The First Wives Club is a largely uninspired (and unfunny) comedy that collapses completely in the final fifteen minutes.

As a romance, a drama, or even a sports movie, The Longest Ride never reaches a satisfying destination.

Retribution seems especially disappointing, however, because of its untapped potential to be cheesily entertaining. The finished product is so bad that I can’t even recommend it for viewing on a streaming service – somewhere it should land very quickly.

"Mindless" applies, and Book of Secrets is more like a tame, endlessly repetitive amusement park ride than a motion picture.

Welcome to Mooseport's satirical edge is dull and pitted, the screenplay is overlong and uninteresting, the comedy is soft and shapeless, and the actors perform like they're on a sit com.

Newell has followed up a respectable adaptation of a Harry Potter novel with an ignominious translation of something more delicate and literate. It's hard to recommend this movie to anyone except perhaps the MST3K crew.

By any standards, Silk is a bad movie: pretentious, stillborn, devoid of emotion.

It’s artificial, annoying, and boring.

This remake replaces suspense with boredom and witty dialogue with lame lines any self-respecting actor should be embarrassed to utter.

Unfortunately for the poor viewer trapped into sitting through this 95 minute mess, the humor is both conventional and unfunny, the script never takes any chances, and the ending is a cop-out.

Can't decide whether it wants to be a black comedy, dumb farce, or sentimental sit-com.