Desmond Ryan

First Kid is a surprisingly apolitical comedy that settles for general purpose humor aimed unabashedly - and pretty lamely - at kids. [30 Aug 1996, p.03]

When the slimy creatures pop out of the ground in Tales From the Crypt Presents Demon Knight, one of the hapless humans in their path advises that the most strategic weapon to try is "anything that destroys their eyes and frees their tortured souls." Anyone exposed to this nauseating piece of brain-dead nonsense may want the same treatment. [13 Jan 1995, p.16]

Piously acted, stiffly directed, and infused with a view of world politics that might charitably be described as delusional.

The film is based on the popular video game, and plays as a pathetically incoherent attempt to accommodate all the characters kids want to see come to life on the big screen. [26 Dec 1994, p.E05]

Plunges into a void created by a stale and incredibly derivative plot.

In his peculiar, confused and grossly violent debut, Texas writer- director C.M. Talkington doesn't seem to know whether he is dumping on the road-movie genre (felony division) or celebrating it. [09 Jan 1995, p.D02]

A standard-issue, ineptly executed serving of the genre's staples, from skeptical cops to an all-knowing psychic.

A temptation that can be easily and safely resisted.

Repetitive and tedious.

If you are unlucky enough to stray into the presence of Bats, I strongly recommend you follow their wise example. Hang from the ceiling and go to sleep.

No fewer than seven writers were recruited to create the story and screenplay for Major Payne, a textbook demonstation of how more can produce less - in this case, a comedy that has all the brio and wit of an army training manual on personal hygiene. [27 March 1995, p.D02]

If Fleming had played everything as a black comedy with a satirical send-up of high school life - like Heathers - he might have had something. But The Craft has no consistency and certainly no art as it drifts into an unprepossessing display of special-effects magic. [03 May 1996, p.08]

A pointless modern morality play set in various sleazy locales that offer sex, drugs, assorted perversions, bare-knuckle fights, and even Russian roulette where lives are wagered for money.

Really lost in space.

The Frighteners approaches the mysteries of near-death and out-of-body experiences with a script that is - even by this summer's prevailing standard of dumbness - out of its mind. [19 July 1996, p.03]

A movie so dumb it raises serious questions about our place on the evolutionary ladder. [12 Jan 1996, p.12]

Dumber sequels to dumb horror movies, such as the Friday the 13th series, are, of course, nothing new. [17 Mar 1995, p.06]

As full of terrible acting as it is devoid of suspense.

In Glimmer Man, Steven Seagal shows not a glimmer of acting range. [07 Oct 1996, p.E07]

The kind of saccharine exercise that ought to do wonders for the cause of atheism. [15 July 1994, p.03]

The glitter and clinking of Rodman's collection of body jewelry are supposed to blind one to the dopiness of the screenplay for Double Team. [4 Apr 1997, p.10]

Highlander: The Final Dimension is exactly what it seems - drivel. [30 Jan 1995, p.D01]

Wastes an A-list cast in a sorry send-up of B-movie private-eye cliches.

The jokes are unabashedly pitched at 12-year-old boys, with flatulence, masturbation and excretions as the leading themes.