This movie -- G.I. Joke, The D-Team -- tries to do so little, and yet falls so short. A clue comes when the girl asks Clay, "How's your steak?" and he replies, "Meaty." Simple enough to achieve in theory, but this would-be treat for cinematic carnivores is a sawdust sandwich.

If a more incoherent and self-indulgent movie has been released so far this century, I'm not aware of it.

This movie's heart is in the right place, which is one way of saying it's terrible.

The only really believable character ends up being Bilson's chaste Laura, who snags herself a slot on the reality-show competition "America's Last Virgin."

Even a hardened voyeur would require the patience of Job to get through this interminable, shapeless documentary about the swinging subculture.

The performances are so solid - and newcomer Jon Dichter's direction (he also wrote the script) is so utterly assured - that the rather contrived ending barely seems to detract from the film's entertainment value.

Take "Thelma & Louise," throw in hot girl-girl sex and you have Gasoline, a flammable import from Italy directed by Monica Stambrini.

The year's most beautiful movie -- and surely one of the dullest.

Surprisingly funny and sweet, despite some missed comic opportunities and curious casting choices.

Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, Brazil's reformist two-term president, gets the once-over-lightly treatment in Lula, Son of Brazil.

A snarly Euro-thriller with crust under its fingernails and bad breath. It doesn't care if you like it, which is why I kind of do.

A kindler, gentler comedy that's perfect for children and parents to see together.

HUGELY tedious and mostly incomprehensible.

The landscape cinematography is often eye-pleasing, but the script is labored, filled with clichés and never allows for character development.

Slight but consistently entertaining.

There's too little dog and too much fire house in Firehouse Dog, a mild kid comedy that turns into a flaming arson mystery with some scenes that could be too scary for little ones.

It is hard to dislike such a wholesome, well-meaning movie, which has some very funny moments and a lovable cast.

A profound disappointment, given its cast and source material.

Has laugh-out-loud moments of inspired idiocy. The problem is that this one-joke skit (done first and better by Britain's Ali G) has been given the Hamburger Helper treatment and stretched to feature length.

It's muddled and shallow and obvious. Worse, it fails as entertainment, being so ineptly directed and written it often has the feel of a high school production by kids with more money and ambition than talent.

A predictable but pleasant kids movie that veers between old-fashioned girl-and-her-horse sentiment and "Ren & Stimpy"-style poo jokes.

With its array of chases and shootouts and a sinister political plot, the movie at least holds your attention and keeps things brisk-ish. But every scene still bears the tags of the place from which it was stolen.

In Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials, selfish oldsters scheme to rob young people of their vital essence, sacrificing them in the process. It’s basically “Social Security: The Movie.”

I suppose it's nice that Romero has a hobby, but he couldn't be more of a bore if he were showing off his pine cone collection.

Director Ben Hickernell soft-pedals the material into a blandly feel-good dramedy. As Abigail's spirited young trainees, Alexandra Metz and Meredith Apfelbaum give Backwards their all, but can't row their way clear of its clichés.

The dialogue is ridiculous, the acting wooden - but that's not why we go, is it?

A serial-killer flick told like an art lecture, Anamorph manages to be gruesome yet dull.

A slight movie. But it has its share of charm and is a pleasant way to spend a little over an hour. It also is a sign that Burns might actually have talent.